Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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