This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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