Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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