I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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