I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
