if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
