Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
