he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
