planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
