you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
