trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
