I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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