you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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