he wants to bone in the snuggie
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
