my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My bed smells like the plague
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
