How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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