woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
