He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
