Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
