he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
as a side note pls kill me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
