he puts the penis in happiness.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
