dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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