guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
