The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
