He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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