K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
