the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
