RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sorry about my life...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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