a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
