You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
