Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
