i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
