the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
