Your face is a jimmy john
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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