Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
