i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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