Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
