Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had sex on a roof
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
