my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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