I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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