My friends, they love my intelligence
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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