My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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