I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
