Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
