Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
