dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
