My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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