They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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