U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
