I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
