you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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