i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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