Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
