ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
