Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
