why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
