He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They took my balls.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
