I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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