I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
