After last night, I could never be a politician.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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