New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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