you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
