id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
