nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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