If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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