I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
