I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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