i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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