He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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