based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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