I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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