Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Houston, we have a blender
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
