I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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