The maid of honor just puked.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
