yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
