conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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