I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my shit smells like andre
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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