i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
