So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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