my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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